Nighttime Memories
by Quixotic Cervantes
Summary: Warning: Contains Spoilers for second half of series.What went through Van's mind when he sees Hitome and Allen together.


**Dislcaimer- I don't own Escaflowne, though I do own the DVDs.**

_asdf-thoughts _

* * *

_Am I imagining things? Is this really happening? _

Van felt his blood run cold as his heart seemed to stop. He looked through the ending rain at the two figures atop the bridge. There was no mistaking those clothes or that hair. He watched as Hitome stayed within Allen's embrace. He had never felt this betrayed, not since his brother ran away from his duties.

_ Why would she do this?Didn't I say that I wanted her...her power. _

Realization cut through him. He hadn't said he wanted her, but her power.

_But that's not what I meant! She must have known that!_

But standing there, watching them kiss, he knew she hadn't. He could feel whatever he thought they might have had crumble beneath him.

He saw them break apart and wondered if it was only due to necessity. After all, Hitome had been infatuated with Allen since the beginning. He had been her knight, quite literally. How was a teenage wannabe king supposed to compete with an adult Knight of Asturia?

_Valgas always joked about women going for older men, I guess he wasn't joking._

A jolt of alarm swept through his body when he saw Hitome looking his way. He knew the defeat was showing, but he didn't have the strength to care anymore. He turned away, feeling as though there was nothing left to do but walk away before he had to watch them go at it again. He didn't notice the way Hitome pulled away from Allen and start after him.

He walked until he felt he could go no more. The rain, cold as ice, had sent his skin burning, but he didn't notice. He was too desperate to get rid of the pain to even notice it was raining.

He came to a river. Looking up he saw that he had been led back to the mill Escaflowne was being kept in. Resent filled his heart.

_How could I have been so stupid!? I mean, why couldn't I just tell her? 'I want your power' Gods, I should cut my own head off for that one. _

He sighed, _There's no point in second-guessing anymore. She's with Allen and I'm...just the guy who's been trying, and failing, to protect her. _He trudged back to the mill and lied down in the hay, not caring that he was soaked. He allowed himself to fall asleep, hoping he would wake to a better day.

The creak of the door alerted Van instantly. He opened his eyes and glanced at the intruder.

"Van?" _Hitome _"Are you in here?"

Van exited his makeshift bed, intent on escaping before she could find him. But her eyes landed on him immediately.

"Hitome, what are you doing back so late?"

Hitome's eyebrow raised and she answered. "You're the one who's out late, as I recall we aren't staying in this mill."

Van mumbled a few choice words under his breath before looking directly at Hitome. "What do you want?"

"I wanted to make sure you were ok!" Indignation flared into her voice, her stance immediately became defensive.

"Well I'm fine, so you can just go back and spend your night with Allen." Van hissed in response, immediately regretting the way her eyes widened.

"How dare you? Who do you think you are, suggesting something like that. I can't believe you. But if you want to be that way, fine, I will go!" Van watched her turn away and  
panicked. He rushed forward and gripped her shoulder.

"Wait," he pleaded, "Don't go."

Hitome turned back around and Van took a good look at her. She wasn't beautiful by any means, dull brown hair and common green eyes set around a face that seemed as plain as it could be. But something about her, something about the fire behind the green, as though it were a raging forest fire, drove Van to the brink of insanity. He raised his hand to brush some hair out of her eyes, glad that she didn't pull away.

_I'm sorry_

"For what?"

Van's eyes widened. _Did I say that out loud? _Judging by Hitome's curious expression, he had. _Oh, just get it over with._

"For what I said earlier. I didn't mean what I said, at least...not entirely." He could see that her confusion still hadn't lifted. He gave an aggravated groan and expanded.

"I...don't...just want your power." Van could feel his heart racing and could almost see his eyes begging her to respond in kind.

"Oh." And that was it. Van couldn't accept that. He took hold of her shoulders and gently shook her, as if it would make words simply fall from her.

"That's it!? I tell you that I want you and you just say 'oh!' Geez Hitome, I'm laying myself on the line here. I need more than 'oh' or I won't know what to do."

He waited for her to say more, but she just looked at him with an unknown emotion on her face.

"Van," he refocused on her, both terrified and relieved that she had more to say. "I think I'm in love with Allen." And just like that, he felt his world shatter.

"I see." He let his hands drop from her shoulders. He nodded and looked away from her.

**Van shot up from his sleep, surprised when he identified his dream. _I haven't thought about that night since Hitome left. _**

**"Daddy?"**

**He looked beside his bed. A four-year-old girl stood there, clutching a frayed Teddy Bear. He smiled lightly at her.**

**"What is it?" **

**"I had a bad dream, can me and Val sleep with you?" Van chuckled at the bears name. It had reminded him of Valgas, the left eye having fallen off after years of companioning his daughter.**

**"Of course you can sweetheart." Van quietly pulled back the covers, careful not to wake his sleeping wife, and allowed her to climb in. **

**"Daddy, will you tell me a story?" **

**Van smiled, he knew just the story to tell her.**

**"Sure, how about I tell you about the Maiden from the Mystic Moon?"  
**

* * *

**So, there you have it. I didn't really like that Van and Hitome didn't get together, but I can deal. **

**Gotta admit, this is just the product of utter boredom at work. **

**Like I said, I wish that Van and Hitome had gotten together but they obviously didn't, and I kind of wonder what happened to Van, especially since I think he did really like Hitome.   
**

**I'm done rambling now. Hope you enjoyed it!  
**


End file.
